Thursday, November 21, 2013

Mortifyingly Embarrassing Things I've Done When I Thought No One Was Looking

We have all been there.  You think there are no eyes or ears on you, so you  partake in a bit of less than lady like behavior.  Surely I can't be the only one.

In the spirit of sisterhood I'm going to share a few of my "Moments when I thought no one was looking."  Be sure to share yours!

1. On a particularly warm fall day I was walking on a local trail with one of my very good girlfriends having a deep seeded conversation about female sexuality.  I failed to notice the approaching man on a bike until he was right next to us, which was when I happened to be exclaiming rather enthusiastically: "I never even told my ex-husband that I masturbated!"

What made matters worse is he started to wobble on his bike, confirming that I'm fairly sure he heard me.  Adding to my embarassment was that I recognized him as a member of my local rotary, who I knew.

2. After having dinner at home by myself, I stood at the sink in front of my kitchen window and licked all of the A-1 sauce off my plate.  Seconds after I was done there was a knock at my door.  Of course whoever is standing at my front door has a clear look into my kitchen, especially at night.  I opened the door to a girlfriend of mine who greated me with "Hello my plate licking friend!". Thankfully she was holding a bottle of wine.

3. While eight months pregnant with my son I escaped the retail showroom I worked in at the time for a very needed bathroom break, taking the cordless phone with me.  I accidently hit the intercom button and proceeded to pee like a race horse while sighing in relief quite loudly.  I even let out a few moans.  All of which was broadcast loud and clear over the showroom (as confirmed by a co-worker), which of course had customers in it.

So now let's hear yours.  What have you done when you thought no one was looking?

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Kevin Mackey said...

I'd share something, I'm sure, but I can't stop laughing.

Anonymous said...

I showered and dressed with a Downy clean t shirt and jeans for a trip to Home Depot. I realized when I got home that there was a Carefree Pantyshield stuck to the back of my shirt that had been washed in the laundry and that's where it landed. Home Depot will never be the same for me..