Friday, June 7, 2013

My Quest to Rescue North American Dwarfs

Some of you may have received a couple of odd text messages from me over the last few days.  First let me start with saying I am NOT creating a non-profit nor a 5K to benefit North American Dwarfs.  For two days I was sick at home, fighting the latest plague that my 14 year old son brought home.

For some reason I react strangely to certain cold medicines, often resulting in me coming up with strange ideas, which I'm convinced I must share with the masses.  It's one of the reasons I've always stayed away from drugs.  I shudder to think what cocaine or LSD would do to me.

The worst of my cold med induced craziness occurred on Wednesday.  While in a semi coma on the couch I decided to get caught up on a few episodes of Game of Thrones, which I think played a key part in my unhinged text messages.  Now track with me, as this will all tie in and make sense.

Though I've always had a weakness for tall men, there is one man short in stature who I think is incredibly sexy.  That man is Peter Dinklage, and he is in Game of Thrones.

Peter Dinklage
I know that sounds odd coming from the woman who only watches basketball to see the tall hotties getting all sweaty.  For whatever reason, Dinklage floats my boat and is number two on my "Hall Pass Cheat List".  My Hall Pass Cheat List is a list of men who the significant other will allow me to sleep with if the opportunity ever arises.  I'm pretty sure he only agreed to this because he is convinced my chances are slim to none.

Number one on my Hall Pass Cheat List is True Blood actor Joe Manganiello.  Quite the difference between the two.  Manganiello is 6' 5", Dinklage is 4' 5".  I can't explain it, the lust wants, what the lust wants.

Joe Manganiello
Anyways I digress, back to my crazy text about saving North American Dwarfs.  The combination of being hopped up on cold medicine while watching Game of Thrones, along with a dash of my own brand of mental illness, resulted in me becoming convinced that something needed to be done to improve the plight of North American dwarfs.  When you think about it, it all kind of makes sense.

It would appear my significant other took the brunt of my texting outburst.  Thankfully he was smart enough to have our son hide my phone at one point, which was good because I was about to post a video making a plea for support in my new endeavor to save North American Dwarfs.

So again, my apologies to anyone who was on the receiving end of my craziness.  I'd also like to make a special apology to the little people/dwarf community, who do not need me to rescue them.  I'm definitely going to have my sister talk this all over with her therapist.  You may recall that because I lack decent health insurance I often provide my sister with a list of issues to go over with her therapist.

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Larry Bartlett said...

Oh my lord - you are so funny. There are tears running down my face as I type and I hurt from laughing. it reminds that several years back DJ got enamored with Charla, a dwarf contestant on The Amazing Race after she toppled over in a suit of arms. Of course the natural thing for me to do the next time I had too much wine was to try and find a dwarf to clean our apartment by placing an ad on Craigslist. So wrong. But I must admit I was kind of bummed I had no responses. Might have been the horrible thing I included about a step-stool being provided.

Natalie Hagemo said...

Dang had I known there was a dwarf on The Amazing Race, I would have watched. If you find a little person to clean your house you had better post pics. I think they are fabulous. It's been on my bucket list to have a dwarf for a friend. I want to know what the world and life is like for them.

Larry Bartlett said...

You do know you share a fascination with Chelsea Handler right? Great minds. Of course there is Chuy every night and she has great pieces in her books. She did get to sleep with one - not Peter - but a fling in Mexico.