Rarely do I fall back asleep. I use to grab a cup of coffee and take it back to bed with me. I'd sip my Hawaiian Dark Roast, and do some reading while the dogs would go back to sleep. These days I drag my ass to the gym, and the dogs go back to sleep because they are lazy and lack discipline.
|They aren't morning pups.|
When I leave the house early, and I'm tired, I become convinced that I'm not wearing any pants. I arrive at the gym, jump on the elliptical and spend the first 15 minutes checking and rechecking that I have pants on.
This is the conversation I had with myself just this morning, for the first 15 minutes I was on the elliptical at the gym:
"Crap it's hot in here, they should really open the door. Shit do I have pants on?
God I love Joan Jett's music, I wonder if she is still alive? OMG do I have pants on?
I should really Instagram a photo of that flag in the parking lot. I have pants on right?
Wow this row of machines cleared out fast. Shit, is it because I'm not wearing pants!"
This goes on and on for about 15 minutes, which seems to be how long it takes me to calm the heck down, return to sanity and be confident that I do in fact have pants on.
I don't have a logical explanation for this fear, which is probably why it's referred to as an irrational fear. If there was a logical explanation it wouldn't be irrational. I've had nightmares about showing up naked in grocery stores, maybe that has something to do with it. I'm trying to talk my sister into asking her therapist about it. Lana is getting tired of having to address my issues with her therapist. She knows I have crapy health insurance. She needs to just take one for the team and address this with a mental health professional so we can get to the bottom of it.
Maybe it's just because I don't like to wear pants?" If I could spend the warmer months wearing one of the Stud Muffin's XL t-shirts, I'd be a happy camper. I've taken to wearing summer dresses around the house because I got tired of hearing "Mom put some pants on my friends are over!" from the kids.
Even the pups give me crap about not wearing pants around the house. Their look here says it all.
|Bitch please put some pants on!|