Friday, December 16, 2011

How My Kid's School is Tormenting Me

Each time I see an email from my kid's school pop up in my inbox my sphincter puckers. For the more simple minded "sphincter" means asshole.

After 21 years of parenting I think I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder related to bad news from my kid's school.  The emails I fear the most are the ones saying "There has been a case of lice reported in your child's classroom" or "There has been a case of strep throat reported in your child's classroom."

Don't get me wrong I appreciate the heads up on a possible plague making it's way through my kid's school.  My first thought is always the same. What asshole sent their kid to school with lice or strep?

This invariably leads to me interrogating my child, "Who has been scratching their head? Has someone had a sore throat?"  Somehow knowing who patient zero is makes me feel better.  I just like having someone to blame.

Following the interrogation of my child my head begins to itch (if the report was of lice), or my throat hurts (if it was strep).  So not only do I have massive anxiety and feel my family is under attack, but I'm then concerned that I may have a case of hypochondria on top of my PTSD.

Most times the emails from the school are harmless.  I think they should start them off with "No one has lice or strep", and then go on to say whatever they have to say.  At this point it doesn't matter.  The damage is done.  This is just another reason why summers are less stressful.

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